I permitted to have a dysfunctional family. For nine years of my marriage, we live apart with my husband. We are together only every weekend for 7 years and we see each other ones or twice a month for 2 years. This is all because I pursue my career. This is all because I want to have my own earnings. Most importantly I want to have my own name.
Since we live apart and we have our own earnings, most of the time we make decisions, big or small, on our own. Though we share it with each other and serve as FYI only (for your information).
As a couple, we don’t live as one which is in contrast with God’s teaching. We rarely indulge into a fight, though, since we treasure the limited time we have with each other and unconsciously we tolerate each other decision as long as it will not hurt the welfare of our marriage and family.
As parents, we have different style of disciplining the children. My partner is usually the type who spoils the children with shopping, mall hopping and food tripping to repay for his long absence. I am the type who didn’t splurge the children with such things. I am teaching them reward/punishment system. They have to earn every reward I am ready and willing to give them through good values, attitude and good works. I withhold it if they are not yet ready to receive such. Even how heavy and hurting my heart is I have to punish them also if their behavior is no longer tolerable. Most of the time I discipline them through one on one talk, explaining to them what’s right and wrong of what they have done.
It took us so long to break this set-up because we enjoy our freedom and we love the comfort zone we have. Our good paying job is our security blanket and we cannot easily relinquish.
Then what’s the turning point?
After attending many sessions of Bible study, I cannot ignore the teachings of our Lord Jesus Christ and most importantly I cannot disobey so I have been praying to God and aspiring that one day we will be together and live as ONE.
I accept that I am not promoting a healthy family. I accept that we as couple did not allow God to be the center of our marriage. I accept that we as couple did not build a healthy relationship and healthy home. I accept that we are giving a confusing way of disciplining the children. I accept that I allow space to grow between that may lead to coldness to the marriage. I accept that I no longer trusted God in our lives but rely on our job forgetful that He is the one who gave it to us.
The most prompting part of it, both I and my husband, experience struggles. My husband could no longer take to be away from his children. He has been missing the children so much. And He noticed the aloofness of my second child. He wants us to be together also. One day he just tells me that He’s going to resign. Without any apprehension I supported his decision.
On my part also, I am no longer happy with my work. I always grumble and complaint. And the long awaited aspiration of promotion in my work did not happen.
However, fear still rules my life and the pressure is getting harder and harder.
I strongly believed that God allows us to experience this struggle to get our attention and resolve immediately the issues at hand. I strongly believed that He orchestrate everything in response to my prayer.
Consequently, I pray harder and harder also. One Sunday I spent it watching Channel TBN after attending mass to discern and to ask guidance on what to do. All throughout the day out of my readings and watching television the same message I got – To work on my marriage and my family in all aspects of life and especially our Spiritual life, our relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ; The bigger my fear the smaller my God (of course I cannot accept this); It’s my fear that will stop me from taking the BIG STEP.
After that without any doubt, I am resolved 100% to give up my career and fully surrender to God everything. I am determined to work on my marriage and my family and to let God the controller of our lives and lead us the path He wants us to take.
Right now, I have no regret of what I have given up. I am happy and at peace even we are still in the adjustment period. This is to be a long journey but worth taking and exciting.
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